The CMA's - PFT!!!

Alright so I've missed quite a few opportunities to blog. For instance, the season finale of Nashville Star (which had JEWEL as a judge this year - WTF?!) Then there was the announcement that Trailer Park Swift would be doing a Crossroads on CMT with none other than Def Leppard. I repeat. WTF!?

But this. This one can't be swept under the rug. I remember the days when country music awards shows, hell ANY music award shows, were coveted and everyone dressed up like they were going to visit the Queen. Now it's 3 hours of barely dressed performances of pop stars using country as their gateway into music. They wouldn't know a real country music start like Merle Haggard or George Jones if they walked up smacked them in their little ignorant faces! It just infuriates me.

The show started with Sir Brad Paisley schooling Keith Urban in their new duet "Start a Band". It's the closest that Keith Urban has come to a country song in a looonnnnng time. Don't get me wrong, he's talented. But he ain't country. He used to be. You should look up his old band 'The Ranch', you won't believe it's the same guy.

Then stupid smug arrogant ass Carrie "Scary" Underwood came out to insert her "cute little banter" with Brad Paisley as co-host. Ugh. Give me a break! I took some personal humor in the fact that you could see her slip through her dress when she walked out on stage the first time. Oh well - what do you expect? I'm passionate!

There was Kelly Pickler's performance that was just ok except for her S&M 'I want to live at the Playboy mansion' black leather mini dress with knee high boots outfit. Again, I just want to know why is this music on country radio!! Her first few songs were tolerable....but this new one just needs to find Ryan Seacrest and make itself at home with him and his weekly Top 40 countdown.

Anyway, let's move on to my next (and biggest) soapbox, shall we? Taylor "Trailer" Swift. There is not enough blog space in the world for me to fully explain how much I loathe her existence in country music. On a pop channel, fine. She'd be no worse than Ashlee Simpson or Avril Levigne. But COUNTRY!? Are you SERIOUS?! Her performance tonight was like a high school musical! I'm not talking about the Zac Efron phenomenon......I'm talking about some back woods middle school where the janitor is the chorus teacher. At one point she even smacked her microphone into the side of the "balcony" she was standing on.

She then walked down the steps past the working FOUNTAIN on stage to join the dancers waltzing on stage to her dumbass song. Then the lights went down, everyone crowded around her and, you guessed it.....ripped her dress off of her to reveal a white wedding gown looking dress that was hidden underneath the purple ugly 'my cousin who hates me made me wear this' bridesmaid dress. Disgusting.

And in a "one-two punch" of ridiculousness, Mr. Bob Ritchie aka "KID ROCK" followed her with a live performance of his catchy little diddy 'All Summer Long'. To quote my BFF Kellie, it looked like he mugged Ruben Studdard for his shirt. We won't even begin to touch on how moronic that song is. I've always been a huge fan of his but this song is over the line.

Rodney Atkins performed, and since I love him, I have no negative criticisms.

At some point Rascall Farts won for the best something that they don't deserve. It was vomitacious.

Kenny Chesney won Entertainer of the Year, which I guess is alright. I was pulling for Sugarland but whatever. The problem I have though is that SHITNIA TWAIN (and her new boobs) PRESENTED THE AWARD!!! Before there was Trailer Swift, there was Shitnia Twain that kept me up at night. Ugh. And as with Trailer Swift, there will never EVER be enough words, paper, or blog server space for me to express my feelings on HER!

Alright, I'll admit it. It wasn't all crap. There were actually a few noteworthy moments of the night:
* Scary Underwood was introduced by the wife of a fallen US Soldier who gave his life for our country in Afghanistan. The crowd stood and applauded her and her husband and it was beautiful. God Bless our men and women in uniform. Not just the day after Veteran's Day but EVERY DAY!
* Scary Underwood won for Female Vocalist of the Year BUT she beat out Taylor Swift so that's awesome! And let's face it, she's an a-hole, but she can sing. I can't deny that.
* Brad Paisley played a gorgeous, short but VERY sweet, acoustic tribute to the late Jerry Reed who we lost earlier this year.
* Vince Gill read out the latest inductees into the Country Music Hall of Fame and they all actually deserved to be there. Even the Statler Brothers, God love 'em.
* Male Vocalist of the Year was actually a contest this year. The nominees were all totally qualified to be there, in my humble opinion. Then, when Brad Paisley won, he ran out from backstage, past Reese Witherspoon with his award to hug Keith Urban....JUST KIDDING....he ran out to hug and kiss his wife and then knelt down to smooch her little pregnant belly. So sweet!

So that's it. My way long and probably wayyyyy too wordy commentary on the 2008 Country Music Awards.

MacAvoy. Out.

CMT - Have they compLETEly lost their minds???

Alright, this post has been stewing for a while.  I've been trying to figure out how to put my thoughts into words about this for about a month now.  But I think it's time to let it all out.  Let's start here - has anyone else seen this?!

Taylor Swift’s Crossroads 

7-Jul-2008
Written by: Melanie Sutrathada 

Taylor Swift will be appearing on “Crossroads” with Def Leppard. 

Country singer Taylor Swift will have her “dream come true” in October when she films a new episode of CMT Crossroads, which is based on pairing country acts with stars from other genres. 

In the show, she will team up with her all-time favorite rock band, Def Leppard, who rocked the charts in 1983 with their album, Pyromania. 

Swift claims that she has been a big fan and has been screaming the words to their songs for years. 

“Every time I've seen Crossroads on CMT I've always thought, ‘If I ever get to do one of those, it has to be with Def Leppard!’” the multi-platinum country sensation says enthusiastically. 

According to OK! Magazine, the unlikely pairing will film the show in October, although the episode will not air until Nov. 8. The episode will occur in Nashville and will be filmed in front of an invitation-only audience. 

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!  I don't even know what to say about this......STILL!  I mean, where do I begin?!  It's a mockery!  I've never had a problem with Crossroads.  I mean, Heart and Wynonna - that's a great idea!  And Sugarland with Bon Jovi - now that was fun.  Their energies and sounds were amazing together.  But stupid ass Taylor Swift with DEF FRIGGIN LEPPARD?!?!  What on EARTH is country about THAT?!?!  It literally makes me nauseous.  Whoever thought of this should be fired.  FIRED!!!

Ugh.  A mockery I say!

The Opry

Alright, I'll admit it - I'm UBER behind on posts. There are so many things to complain about in country music - WHERE DO I START?!

Well, I've chosen to start with this.  Country Weekly has a new poll "Who should be the next member of the Grand Ole Opry"?  Here are the choices (I hope you're sitting down):

1.  Jason Aldean

2.  Joe Nichols

3.  Kelly Pickler

Ummm.  First of all, let me state that I love love love Joe Nichols.  Jennifer Jo and I even hung out with him at a "party" in LA one night and he was a super nice guy.  If he were voted in, I'd be alright with it.  His voice reflects all that I love about the pioneers and forefathers of this genre that I adore so much.  And sure, his songs may be a bit goofy and quirky but I love 'em.  

BUT JASON ALDEAN AND KELLY PICKLER?!?!  

I used to be all about Jason Aldean back when he first came out.  Simply because he is from Macon, GA - about an hour away from my home town of Atlanta.  BUT every SINGLE song sounds the SAME!  His voice is monotone and I just don't get the gimmick.  And country?!  I think NOT!

And Kelly Pickler???  She's sweet.  Sure.  But is she Opry material?  I don't think so.  At least not yet.  Personally, I think she's got potential but a LOT of ground to cover.  

It's just as if they'll let anyone in these days!  I don't get it!  

What?

CMA Music Festival Country's Night to Rock! | Monday September 8 9/8c only on ABC

I was looking at the lineup for event and I'm having a hard time figuring out what part is country! Ohhhh I see, Alan Jackson and Dwight Yoakam are there. Grrreeeeaaaat.

(There are a few more that qualify as country but the majority would be more at home on MTV.)

I AM EXTREMELY UPSET

When she was on American Idol I rooted for her and probably even voted. But after Carrie Underwood won, she became a raging diva bitch and I have slowly grown to detest her.

I saw an article with her in Entertainment Weekly where she went on and on and on about how she is COUNTRY. She even got testy about it. I was offended then because I thought, huh, well, sugarpie, if you are so damn country, why do all of your songs sound like they'd be right at home on an Ashlee Simpson album??

But now SHE HAS CROSSED THE LINE. Not only has she assaulted country far too many times, now she is fouling up my second favorite music -- hair metal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3di6vP2slHY

Yes, I heard Sebastian Bach say he thought it was great. I don't care. IT IS NOT GREAT. I would be irritated to hear anyone besides Skid Row sing this -- it's sort of like Stairway to Heaven, you just don't touch it.

All I have to say is, Carrie Underwood, check your skinny, bitchy, non-country little self. I hope to get the honor of seeing you sing in person, maybe I'll paint a big banner just for the occasion.

What was THAT?!

Katie, please weigh in on the finale of Nashville Star. I didn't watch this season at all (I gave up a couple of years ago when it was still on USA because there was so little country actually happening.)

I just saw that Shawn girl sing Gunpowder & Lead. I mean, "sing". WTF!?

To clarify...

The blog is called Country ONLY. But that does not mean we ONLY listen to country music.

In fact, we love all kinds of music.

But what we don't love is non-country music that claims to be country music.

KK, Kelliebelle, please feel free to expand on this.

Shoulda Said No

That's right Taylor Swift, you should have said no.

When you were asked, "Would you like to emulate Shania Twain, with her astounding lack of talent, over-produced pop fluff, and pioneering sluttiness?" you should have said no.

When you were asked, "Would you like to be the teenage devil leading country music deeper and deeper into the tar pit of non-countryhood?" you should have said no.

And when you were asked, "Would you like to step on the revered stage of the Grand Ole Opry, and wail like a drunken American Idol reject who thinks nobody can hear them sing so they sing with all their no-talent heart only to learn that their rear car window was down after all and the guy sitting next to them in traffic is laughing so hard he's crying?" you really, for the sake of all humanity, really should have said no.

Bob That Head?

**Really** Rascal Flatts?? Really??? "Bob That Head"? Did you really mean to sing an ode to blow jobs? Because that's what comes to mind when you warble that phrase.

Further more, you are not Google: you cannot make your name into a verb. "Rascal Flattin' all night"? Honestly, this is so stupid I actually feel embarrassed for you.

Please fall into an acid-filled crevasse!

Go back to your Blowfish

Seriously, Darius Rucker gone country!?  Are you EFFING around?!  This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while.  Well, maybe not the MOST but definitely up there!! 

I heard his new single and almost fainted it was so awful.  I swear there is someone in Nashville standing on a street corner handing out country recording contracts.  It's ridiculous and it's a mockery! 

I mean, I know country music is AWESOME and I think everyone in the world should love it.  But there is a difference between loving it and trying to capitalize on it!  GO BACK TO YOUR BLOWFISH Hootie!